God Came Back for Me
Fear of Abandonment
I felt abandoned. When I was a little girl at school, I used to get so nervous when parents would pick up their children at the end of the day. I would always fear that my mom was too preoccupied with my sister or with her other responsibilities that she would forget that I existed, and I would be alone forever.
Throughout my life, I have had experiences with those I love that have sunk into my core and have made me believe that I was not good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough for people to stay in my life.
I carried this belief into my relationship with God. Even though I knew that Jesus died for my sins and that he wanted to be my friend, I felt like there was a fine print to that clause. Since I didn’t have my life together, I felt guilty that God didn’t really want to be near me. As a result of this fear of abandonment from everyone in my life, I developed an anxiety disorder.
Did God Abandon Me?
While in a line to get healed at a retreat, I waited patiently for someone to even notice me. Finally, a woman saw me and prayed for me. She heard God say that I wasn’t ready for healing, so she stopped praying and walked away. The feeling of abandonment came back, and I wanted nothing more than to leave. That night in bed, I tossed and turned, finding it impossible to rest believing that God did not want to heal me.
The next day, we had to spend the day alone outside. I was reminded again of being forgotten, like how I felt when I was in school as a kid. I prayed and asked God where he had been in those moments. Instead of answering my question, he told me to play. When you’re a kid in school and you spend the whole day missing your mommy, you waste time that you could be spending making crafts or playing games or having fun. God was telling me to have fun instead of waiting for the answer to come.
I went for a walk. I made drumsticks out of twigs and worshipped God with a tree as my instrument. I jumped off of rocks. I flipped and got dirt in my hair. And midway through the day, I realized that my anxiety was gone.
If I had gotten healed the night before, I would not have needed to play in order to find the answers. It turned out that God had a plan for me all along. God did come back for me; He just wanted me to have some fun first.
He Came Back for Me
In John 16, Jesus explained to His disciples that He needed to leave them so that the Holy Spirit could come and dwell with them. Jesus promised to come back for His disciples after the resurrection, and He did. Jesus came back for them, and He is coming back for us. Easter is a great reminder that God has not forgotten us. He came to Earth to dwell with us, and even after He died, He rose from the dead to show us His power. And as He ascended into Heaven, He made a promise that He would come back again.
Until then, will we be anxious and doubtful that God has forgotten us?
The Bible, God’s love letter to us, shows us a multitude of the promises of God that combat our fear. The first step is to be honest with God about your feelings. Then, look through Scripture and write down five verses that help you with your specific fear. Finally, write down five things that God has given you, and thank God for these things.
If you spend all your time trying to figure out the answers, you will miss the fun that God has for you and the lessons He wants you to learn. Like a little kid waiting for his mommy to pick him up from kindergarten, let us enjoy the day that God has given us to play, have fun, and explore.
Elisabeth Warner is a lover of words in all languages. She resides in Long Island with her husband Lenny. Elisabeth seeks to encourage young women who struggle with anxiety in her WordPress blog writinginfreedom.wordpress.com. She is also working on a novel about a young woman who begs God to answer her questions about her anxiety and learns more about herself in the process.
