What to Do When You Realize You’re the Problem
I’m not the problem, I’m the victim! If my kids would behave, my husband would occasionally make me feel special, and my boss would quit yelling at me, I’d be fine. If I could just get away from all these problems everything would be fine. It’s not me. I’m not the problem. It’s them.
It’s a common mistake to blame everything, and everyone, for our problems. However, many times it’s all on us. We create the storm and then complain when it’s raining. I know that’s hard to swallow. But it’s true. For instance, are any of these cold hard facts true in your life right now?
- Unemployed
- Employed but unhappy
- Unhappily single or divorced
- Married, but lonely
- Lost a loved one recently
- Medical crisis or chronic illness
- Challenging or special needs children
- Financial hardship
- It’s Monday
These all certainly sound like reasons to feel depressed, overwhelmed, and out of control. But they aren’t. That’s right. None of these is a reason.
They are excuses.
It’s Not What Happens That Matters
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it?” It’s true. Your current situation, those cold hard facts, is only 10% of the problem. You are the other 90%. Well, your reaction is anyway. Let that sink in.
You can learn to have more positive reactions once your constant self-awareness helps you admit you are powerless to change people, places, things, and events. Instead, focus on changing the one thing you can – you.
Are you scared? Are you thinking, “I don’t know how to do that. What if I can’t do it?” I know how you feel. I’ve been there.
I went through a cycle of depression over and over for decades. I’d get help, get better, quit trusting God, get off on my own, and back to the pit of despair I’d go. I didn’t get it right the first time, or even the tenth. In fact, I didn’t get it right until I started living by the guidelines in the Serenity Prayer. It requires constant self-awareness to know when your emotions are being triggered by situations which are out of your control.
Self-Awareness Helps You Change the Way You Respond
Here are some steps you can take right now to change your response when you can’t change your situation:
Serenity Prayer. Memorize and pray it daily. When emotions arise, ask yourself if they are a response to something you can control or can’t. Learn the difference.
Identify Triggers. Pick something which causes you anxiety, and identify the reaction it triggers in you. Explore why it triggers that reaction and what a healthier reaction might be.
Plan for Change. Use the PIRA process to plan how you will change your reactions to stressful situations in the future.
Monitor Your Progress. Keep a journal of your progress daily. In other words, use self-awareness throughout the day to know when it’s not the situation that’s the problem, it’s your reaction. Pray for strength to do it a little better tomorrow. A great way to do this is to use the Joy Journal.
When I started living by the Serenity Prayer, I took three steps forward then two steps back. If my math is correct, that’s still one step in the right direction. So, take that first step. It won’t be easy. It won’t be a quick fix. But, it will be worth it.
Need more inspiration and encouragement? Join me on Facebook on the Sadness to Joy page. That’s where you’ll find the daily encouragement and accountability you need to help bring your plan into existence.
Who or what are you currently blaming for your situation?
